copyright Bela Johnson, published in The Maine Eagle, February 2002

One of the most frightening things we have to deal with is when the body begins to break down, and nothing the traditional medical approach offers, including drugs, seems to alleviate the condition. If this is happening to you, trust that what you are experiencing is much deeper than what can be detected on the surface. It is an EMERGENCE rather than EMERGENCY. In some way, your soul is calling you to attune to the deeper work you are here to accomplish. But even if you sense this, even if you know somewhere deep inside that this is true, where do you begin to access the assistance you are surely going to need in order to facilitate this emergence, this opening to the depths of the soul?

Doing the work of soul requires a time commitment that many find hard to assimilate into their busy lives. Most people want the "quick fix," a pill to offer instant relief. The soul, however, does not respond to such remedies. Instead it requires that we get in touch with our deepest desire and express this yearning in a meaningful way. This is a process which takes time. If we are to find balance, if we are to experience quality of life in the years we have left on this planet, a lifestyle change may be in order. Positive change can begin with an honest review of how you spend your time and money. Using a day-by-day calendar, write into each time slot (down to 15 minute increments) what you do with your time, each day for a week or two. Only carry a small amount of cash and use your checkbook. List every expense you pay out for a month, accounting for every penny, if you can. (A couple of months ago, Oprah Winfrey had a program where she demonstrated how working class people with average to low incomes became millionares, and it was by saving small amounts of money, here and there, over several years.) After you do these exercises, it is time to decide what you are worth.

What ARE you worth? What are YOU worth? How much time do you spend on self reflection? Prayer, meditation, time in Nature, physical movement? How much money and time do you allocate to self care on a regular basis? Do you see a counselor, go to a support or prayer group, get a massage, go to a beauty salon, read, listen to music, go to a self improvement workshop or take yourself out for a healthy and relaxing meal? Perhaps you don't think you can afford these little time or financial luxuries and depend on medical insurance to take care of you when you fall apart. Notice I say when, because unless you are extremely lucky or have amazing genes, without a focus on maintaining your physical, mental and spiritual self, sooner than later, things will break down. Once you have cleared this mental hurdle and really have the desire to care for the self, there are steps you can take to reorganize your life to accommodate YOU. After all, though we may try, we can't give to others when we, ourselves are tapped out.

Clearing our resistance to change is an important step. When we realize change is difficult but ultimately rewarding, we can embrace the excitement of beginning a new, more self respectful way of living. Anyone at any level of income can find ways to improve the self. Each one of us has challenges in life. Accepting and moving through these challenges matures the soul. Dedication to a path of self awareness and self improvement helps us handle what life doles out. We can choose to accept our challenges as growth opportunities rather than cursing our lot in life. We can possess an attitude of gratitude.

Once we accept that we must allocate time to ourselves, we can establish several life-enhancing practices which can facilitate growth and alleviate the soul-deep pain we are experiencing. One is reading. There is an overwhelming amount of material dedicated to self improvement these days, and we can obtain it either from the library or from the bookstore. Some of the leaders in the field of alternative health are Larry Dossey, M.D., Carol Pearson, Ph.D., James Hillman, Ph.D., Don Miguel Ruiz, M.D., Christiane Northrup, M.D. and Carolyn Myss, Ph.D. Every work written by each of these gifted and highly credentialed specialists is worth reading. Then there are others who are gifted and less burdened by degrees, but well worth a peek: Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Mary Murray Shelton, Evan Pritchard, James Redfield, Dan Millman, Pema Chodron and many others too numerous to mention. Reading enriches and opens the mind to possibilities beyond our current understanding. When we open the mind, we loosen the fear gripping our bodies. We nourish spirit and soul. If we don't have time to read, we can listen to books on audiotape.

Then there is the feeding of Higher Mind. No matter how we perceive the Divine in any or all of Its grand manifestations, it is important to allow ourselves time to connect with this Source of energy, especially if we are being challenged beyond our capacity to cope. Integrating even five to ten minutes of daily spiritual practice will create a sense of comfort and support, beyond imagining. If you feel you need professional help, go back to your budget and DECIDE WHAT YOU ARE WORTH. Even when we do not feel we have choices, limitations are often self imposed. Free up some time, energy and money for yourself. When you put yourself at the top of your list, help often comes in unexpected ways.