copyright Bela Johnson, published in The Maine Eagle, October 2001

With the recent catastrophe in New York City, many have found themselves challenged to recognize and to move beyond fears they normally don't acknowledge. It has literally "hit us where we live." As a person who works more with wellness facilitation rather than crisis intervention, I have recently witnessed many coming through my door who normally would not seek the guidance and care of an Intuitive. This indicates to me that this particular crisis has proven to be a "wake-up call," for some. Perhaps others of us might be taking stock as well, deciding that life is too short and valuable to put off committing to a better way of life. This is how tragedy, once grieved and mourned, can contribute to a more meaningful existence for those who are left to carry on. Are you a healthcare professional? A caregiver to a family member in need? A "natural giver?" What are you doing to care for yourself in times of need? And what is a caregiver's responsibility with regard to those they minister to?

As you might have heard me say before, the body is like a giant intelligent sponge. Intelligent because it clearly holds memories; a sponge because it acts as a buffer for what we fail to process on the mental and emotional levels. Unprocessed emotional debris settles into the body and affects its innate ability to communicate with us, via our feelings, what it needs in order to maintain an optimal state of health. The body/sponge holds emotional debris until it is processed or released. This can take hours, weeks or years, depending on a person's habits and practices and the body's saturation point. When this saturation point is reached, as is common to members of industrialized societies, one hits what can be termed a stress wall. Past this wall, stress moves beyond our ability to contain it, out into whatever or whomever we come in contact with. It moves out into the world through our words, our touch, our thoughts and actions. In some, stress finds an outlet through strange and disturbing dreams. Others find themselves being impatient and short-tempered. Still others express stress physically. In all cases, what most of us do not recognize is what is being expressed on subtle levels when we force ourselves to CONTAIN this powerful energy. When we do not find constructive was of dealing with stress, it finds its way out, often infecting those we are attempting to help.

At the core of stress-induced conditions lies a sickness of soul. Soul is the creative force that keeps us animated and vital. When we shut feelings down to protect ourselves so that we can care for others in crisis without doing a complete melt-down, soul loses movement. Stagnation or lack of movement is a contraction of energy. Energy either expands or contracts, but one thing it does not do is remain still. The Earth is constantly spinning. Ocean tides ebb and flow. Ideally our emotions or feelings are fluid and changing. When we are stressed, we freeze up. Our bodies and hearts go rigid. The tides cease to move within us. It is at such times that we fight the forces of Nature and lose our balance. It is at such times that weak places in our human circuitry fail, creating emotional or physical symptoms or illnesses.

What does it matter that our souls are being compressed or ignored? We are, after all, dedicating ourselves to helping others. Surely there is merit in this, some kind of Divine dispensation which will compensate for our lack of self care! Carol Pearson, Ph.D., author of THE HERO WITHIN, refers to this type of "selfless" service as martyrdom. When personal sacrifice "becomes an end in itself, ... [it] does nothing to improve the world." Worse than that, "martyrdom often is used to camouflage cowardice. Martyrs can hide behind this mask of being good and unselfish as a way to avoid taking their journeys, finding out who they are, or taking a stand." Though society and many religions virtually deify the Martyr, giving of oneself to the exclusion of CARING FOR the self adds nothing appreciable to life on Earth. Rather it is disrespectful to oneself and collectively contributes to, rather than relieves, suffering.

Caring for the self means we can then care for others from a position of inner strength. We can only get to this core of strength by supporting BALANCE in our lives. We need down-time, time to reflect as well as to nourish our souls. Rather than intervening in another's crisis from a state of our own personal crisis, self nourishment and care means we have room to absorb some of the stress we have unknowingly deflected outward. Especially when we care for others, we need a regular routine of having others care for us. Ask your caregivers what they are doing, on a regular basis, to nourish and care for themselves. Whether this means your life partner, your physician or your massage therapist, encourage them to engage in a regular routine of self nourishment. Burnt-out caregivers hurt themselves and this can lessen the efficacy of their care for you. Making sure we are all taking care of ourselves is mutually supportive, loving and nurturing. Supporting a healthy community of caregivers pays off for all of us when we are in a position to give something of real value to others, as well as to ourselves.