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HANGING IN THE BALANCE copyright Bela Johnson, published by Inner Tapestry, December 2003/January 2004
I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.Change is difficult for human beings. Waiting, though, seems the hardest thing. In a culture bent on constant movement, it seems difficult to surrender to the inevitable ebb and flow of life as it truly is, setting aside our picture of what it should be. Over and over again, we Westerners are challenged to take time and simply "be." Pushing the river, a popular practice especially in the business arena, often results in failure of some kind, such as failure of our bodies to hold the tension and focus required to paddle upstream or watching helplessly as our plans dematerialize before our eyes. One might even precipitate the other. Worse yet, our plan may actually come into being at the wrong time, creating more hardship than it was meant to solve. We can't know, because we can never view things from all perspectives. Our human vision, though sometimes quite brilliant, can never be all-seeing. Our human intellect, though often very highly developed, cannot match the wisdom of the unseen divine which holds universes together. Pushing for what we think we want can find us at cross-purpose with our own wishes and desires. Instead when faced with standing at one of life's crossroads, we might do well to remember that surrender is indeed an option. The rhythm of life includes necessary pockets of time required for shifting gears. These pauses in pace can confuse the mind, forever seeking order and predictability. In Dr. Larry Dossey's book Healing Beyond the Body: Medicine and the Infinite Reach of the Mind, his chapter on Embracing the Trickster speaks to the confusion created when we try to stay a path which has outlived its usefulness. In other words, when we continue pressing for constancy when change is required, the trickster might enter consciousness in order to force a shakedown. The trickster, according to Dossey, is an archetype representing the unpredictable side of human thought and behavior. When the trickster enters, we have become too rational or "in our heads." Trickster takes us "off guard mentally and jolt(s) us into seeing unexpected patterns and new meanings." If we are too intent on pushing through a crossroads before time is on our side, the trickster may emerge into consciousness as a "self correcting force (which comes) into play to restore some semblance of harmony" between the analytical and irrational mind. The trickster throws our minds, and thus and often our lives, into chaos in order to force us to look deeper within. We can either go willingly to that silent sacred inner place or await the stronger forces of the psyche to guide us there. If we can take time to simply BE, whether through meditation or another still practice, we might find ourselves moving through life's many junctions more effortlessly and more time-appropriately. Author Steven Harrison, in his book GETTING TO WHERE YOU ARE, encourages us to break from psychological time and discover BEING. "Psychological time is the relationship of aversion and attraction to certain experiences. We want more mental pleasure and less mental pain, so pleasure is never enough (time) and pain is always too much (time). Psychological time merges pleasure and pain into a continuum of underlying discomfort and obscures the actuality of the movement. (It) drives us to sort our experiences frantically in an attempt to gain control over our life. We try to ensure that the conceptual center, the åme,' never experiences psychological pain. This drive is pointless ä (for) psychological pain can only come to an end when the resistance to the movement of life comes to an end." What may be required at a crossroads then is, as blues man Robert Johnson discovered, that we fall to our knees in surrender. And surrender requires a state of NOT DOING, or remaining still. This stillness, according to Harrison, "äis not devoid of endless neurotic thoughts. It is simply UNMOVED by them" (emphasis mine). As spiritual beings, we learn to place our intentions before Creator and trust that what we ask for will be granted in its own form, in its own time. This does not mean we accomplish this without resistance, without rattling. Finding quiet time to allow ourselves to feel our discomfort, to allow ourselves to BE with our rattling, is truly a gift to the frightened child within. None of us relishes not knowing. Few of us embrace the waiting required for our intentions to emerge into temporal reality. But often what we ask for requires such a shift in life's dance that a period of "time out" is needed before our co-creation results in fruition. The cosmos seems ordered, despite its often-chaotic appearance. Our partnership with the gods might be likened to a crowded dance floor where, when a couple of dancers adjust the tempo, similar movement is required by the others to keep the dance in sync. Pushing to have our way is demanding, in a sense, that our part in the dance is more important than anyone else's. When everyone else has wishes and desires which likewise seek fulfillment, energetic consensus is often the best choice in getting our needs met. As spiritual beings, we would not wish to have our needs met at the expense of others. We know this creates a debt (karma) to those we have disregarded in the process of pushing to get what we want at any cost. It does not matter what we call it or if we "believe" in it, our bodies know and respond accordingly. We might feel guilt or we might smash our big toe. We might get a bladder infection or a migraine headache. Somehow, the body is flagging us to slow down, trust in the process, and know our voice has been heard. Time is on our side, but time, in today's hectic world, seems more a commodity than an ally. We may spend it wisely, but are encouraged to spend it, at any cost. As an ally, time assists us in realizing our dreams. As an ally, however, time is simply what it is. As a commodity, time is there to be pushed, prodded and manipulated into producing results. We cannot change time, but we can change our perception of it. To change our perception of time, we might need to change our relationship to it. If we learn to allow ourselves reflective time often enough, we will begin to see a pattern emerging which points to the success or failure of our strivings. Often history is the best teacher, and our present situation often points to the accumulation of past debts as well as good deeds. If we are looking to be free of a particular situation or location in our life's topography, is our slate clean? Do we want to drag past debts into a desired or "better" life situation? In other words, do we want to contaminate our future with the pollutants of the past? If we are looking for radical change, does this reflect an attunement with our heart's desire or is it part of a pattern of escapism? What does the soul yearn for? What does the heart desire? When standing at a junction in life, when we feel we are hanging in the balance, reflective time can help the pendulum begin swinging again.
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